Yeah well..

As of last night (or really, this morning)..
Me and Travis's relationship is KAPUT.

Yes, he broke up with me, after almost 4 months.
Wow, I didn't think it'd last this long..
Or really.. I didn't think it'd be this short..

I don't even know anymore..

I just feel like I need to write this journal to calm down about it and stuff...

Ugh..

But yeah..

We went to the Cherokee game, and it was cool and all..
And so on the bus back and stuff me and Travis were doing what we usually do (cuddle, you dumbutts), and so everything seemed fine..

But when I called him later after my shower, he told me that he had "things" on his mind..
And I asked him what they were..
And he told me that "you probably wouldn't want to know"
And so I was like "let me guess.. you wanna break up with me..?"
And he's like "..I told you you didn't want to know.."

His reason: "I'm just not interested in you anymore.."

Interested?!
So dating means that you're "interested"?!
What the fuck?
I mean, really.

Ugh.
I guess I shouldn't say anything, because I really don't know what dating means anyways..

So yeah..
After I hung up, I called Adam (right before he was going to bed) and I just.. broke down..

BAD.

Like seriously.
You have no idea.

So for about an hour he tried to reassure me and cheer me up.. while I cried.

And so I let him go so he could go to bed...
And I turned up Flyleaf and just layed there crying..
For another half an hour, I think..

And eventually, I just passed out..

Ugh.
It seriously sucks..

Like I told Adam..
I feel like I don't have anyone to go to anymore.
That I'm all alone.
That I'm rejected.
No one wants me.
No one ever really wanted me..

It just really sucks.

I feel empty for some reason..

I'm not sure if this is technically "heartbreak"..
Or if I was really in "love".

Hell.
I don't know what either of those terms mean..

Nor do I think I ever will..

Gyahhh.
I feel so emo and ugh.
Like I just want to rip someone apart..
Or like I'm being ripped apart or something like that..

And now I just wanna cry again.
But I can't..
Because my parents'll see me..
And then I'll get bitched at for crying..

Ugh.
Major suckage.

I don't know what to do anymore..

I was tagged by tagged me! ♥

The rules are:
1. Post these rules
2. Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves
3. Tags should write a journal/blog of these facts
4. At the end of the post 8 more persons are tagged and named
5. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them they're tagged

-----------------------------------------------

1. I'm an A T T E N T I O N W H O R E if you didn't know.. Most of the things I do, I do because I want attention. >>;

2. I bite my fingernails.. A LOT. I do it when I'm nervous and stuff... It's a really bad habit too.. x.x

3. I secretly think that I'm bipolar, even though people tell me I'm not. I get depressed easily, go to happy, go to emo.. It just always seems like my emotions are spinning and constantly changing.

4. I think that one of my biggest fears is now insects, due to what happened on the first day of marching band at school.. (Ask me the story, if you want to know about it.. XD; )

5. When I'm with my boyfriend, I can't stand just standing there. I want his arms around me, or him holding my hand or something.. I don't know why.. It kinda makes me more relaxed and stuff. o.o

6. I love driving. It's my new found obsession. - nodnod. -

7. I hate silence, it freaks me out. I have to be hearing something, or talking, or listening to music. I think silence is really awkward, even if it isn't an awkward silence.. It's annoying. ><;

8. I lovelovelove to talk on the phone before bed. I like getting in bed and getting comfortable and listening to someone talk (I don't even care if they're rambling).. It makes me sleepy and helps me fall asleep faster. o.o

I tag...

The rules are:
1. Post these rules.
2. Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves.
3. Tags should write a journal/ blog of these facts.
4. At the end of the post 8 more persons are tagged and named.
5. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them they're tagged.

1) I bite my nails when I'm nervous. Like, really bad. I've been known to tear the skin off my fingers too...

2) I secretly wanted to be a model for a few years.. No joke.

3) After the first day of school, during band, I believe my biggest fear is now INSECTS. If you need the story, just ask me and I'll be glad to tell you.

4) I now have an obsession with driving. I find it fun and exciting.. Even if it IS going around my subdivision at 20 miles an hour...

5) I have a tendency to break down because of the smallest things. This is due to the huge amount of shit I bottle in, and I usually end up exploding the most during band. ..Just.. Don't ask why. ><

6) I'm an A T T E N T I O N W H O R E ! Just so you know.

7) I'm a huge perfectionist. If something isn't perfect, I'll be more than willing to spend FOREVER trying to fix it. And if I have problems fixing things (for example: color guard) I freak out and start crying and throwing things, and yelling at people... x.x

8) I hate having my picture taken with other people's cameras, but if you take a picture from mine, I'll be more than happy too. All in all, I have hardly no self esteem and if I don't have a delete button for the picture, I freak out. XD;


I officially tag ANYONE who reads this.
That means you, you, and yes you.

I decided to make another kiriban, because I'm having a hard time keeping myself into drawing..

That's bad, isn't it?

So uhm, new kiriban at 3666!

So..

CATCH IT!(insert trademark here)

Rofl.. I'm too lazy..

But yeah.

Been kinda busy, and have been wanting to draw..

Anyone have any ideas they feel like dropping.

It'd help much..

Lately, I'll only draw for other people..
Not my own enjoyment..
I don't know why.........

- sigh. - But if someone wants something, it gives me a reason for draw.

And I really wanna draw.

So drop me some ideas, and I might decide to draw some.

Please...? x.o

Like..

This one time..

At band camp....

I managed to survive.

Wow, was that a week of pain and breakdowns.
I lost count on how many times I cried because I was..
1) Frustrated
2) In major pain
3) Pissed at someone
4) Having an emotional breakdown for no reason

It like, sucked, but I got over it.

Neko and I counted everything up and found out that we march usually 11 hours a day and get 6 hours of sleep.

Isn't that gay?

Ah well..

Band camp was awesome, 'cept for marching.
Even though I had to room with Neko....


I got to basically have my friends be my family for a whole week, which freaking rocked.

I guess it's time for a recap!

Sunday

1. Finish packing and pace around living room until abel to leave
2. Meet up with friends and drink a bunch of Vault and eat candy until equipment bus is loaded
3. Go to meeting with parents and chaperones
4. Board bus and flip off mother while leaving
5. Arrive at ETSU
6. Grab luggage and make way to door to pick up keys with Neko
7. Settle in room
8. Dinner @ 5:00 like, a half a mile away from dorm
9. Out on field @ 6:15
10. Parking lot sectionals @ 9:30
11. Return to dorm @ 10:30
12. Hang out at people's rooms and run around high off of pixy stixs
13. Lights out @ 11:00
14. Talk to Neko till about midnight and fall asleep while she's talking


Monday

1. Wake up @ 6:00
2. Take shower
3. Get back to room at 6:30 from shower to wake Neko up
4. Meet Adam by elevator
5. Breakfast at 7:30
6. Out on field at 8:15
7. Leave field at noon for lunch
8. Sectionals @ 1:00
9. Break time @ 3:30 to hang out with Adam in 3rd floor lobby
10. Dinner @ 5:00
11. Back on field @ 6:15
12. Insert giant thunderstorm with tons of rain here and end up moving to a dorm to practice, which means the flags have to practice in the hallway that's about 5 foot wide.. Man, was that funny
13. Move to 3rd floor lobby in our dorm at 9:30 to practice
14. Go to rooms @ 10:30
15. Lights out @ 11:00


Tuesday

1. Wake up @ 6:30 due to Neko being too happy after taking a shower
2. Meet Adam by elevator
3. Breakfast at 7:30
4. Out on field at 8:15
5. Leave field at noon for lunch
6. Sectionals @ 1:00
7. Break time @ 3:30
8. Dinner @ 5:00
9. Back on field @ 6:15
10. More rain comes, and gets moved to same dorm as before to practice, then move back to our dorm to practice.. WITH UMBRELLAS instead of flags, since we can't twirl with chandaleers in the way..
11. Return to rooms @ 10:30
12. Lights out @ 11:00


Wednesday

1. Wake up @ 6:00 to take a shower
2. Return to room at 6:30 and get scared the shit out of when chaperone knocks on door to wake us up while dressing..
3. Meet Adam at elevator
4. Breakfast @ 7:30
5. Rain starts during breakfast, so field practice gets canceled, therefore we start sectionals @ 8:15 instead
6. Get moved to laundry room for sectionals
7. Finally get permission to go to mini dome for sectionals
8. Rain stops, so we go to field at like, 10:00
9. Lunch @ noon
10. Rain starts again, so we have sectionals at the mini dome @ 1:15
11. Break @ 3:30
12. Hang out in 3rd floor lobby and watch a movie with Adam and other random band kids
13. Dinner @ 5:00
14. Rain finally stops, so field practice @ 6:15
15. Rains during practice, but we keep marching.. in the rain..
16. Go to parking lot with band and practice @ 9:30 (I think..?)
17. Return to dorm @ 10:15
18. Hurry and take a shower (in one that doens't freaking drain the water) since my legs are completely mud caked, and meet up with Adam downstairs before we have to go to our rooms and tell him night.. And like, we hugged and he said "You're soft.." and I was confused, and he was like "Your skin's soft".. so yeah.. >>; I was kinda blushing...
19. Return to room @ 11:00
20. Talk to Neko until 11:45, and fall asleep


Thursday

1. Wake up @ 6:30 by chaperone
2. Fall back asleep until 6:45 to notice Neko sitting on top of me chanting "Good Morning" over and over..
3. Meet Adam at elevator
4. Breakfast @ 7:30
5. Field practice @ 8:15
6. Leave for lunch @ noon
7. Sectionals @ 1:15 on field.. to march. >>;
8. Full band on field at 2:30
9. Break @ 3:30, pack some..
10. Dinner @ 5:00
11. Field practice @ 6:15
12. Full band at parking lot for elections @ 9:15 or so..
13. Get dismissed to dorm at 10:00 for pizza party
14. Take a shower really quick
15. Go downstairs to pizza party to find the hallway lights off, with a strobe light going to Backstreet Boys music.. with friends singing along..
16. Pick up pizza and eat some with Adam and Travis
17. Travis leaves to go watch a movie with other guys in dorm
18. Adam leaves to go be emo in his room
19. Jared sits next to me because I start being emo
20. I take my pizza up to my room and meet Neko to go rave in strobelight and iPod musicness
21. Get in trouble for music being too loud at 10:25
22. Listen to drumline beatbox till 10:35 while dancing
23. Cling to Adam and cheer him up until forced out of room
24. Lights out @ 11:45
25. Pack until about 12:30 AM and hear that someone's air conditioner won't work, so they had to change rooms in the middle of the night
26. Immediately fall asleep afterwards


Friday

1. Wake up @ 6:30 by chaperone and Neko
2. Finish packing final things (hairbrush, sunscreen, etc.) and hang out with other friends
3. Leave for breakfast @ 7:15
4. Field time gets changed to 9:00
5. Field time gets changed to 8:30
6. Bring luggage down to equipment bus @ 8:00
7. Out on field @ 8:30
8. Rehearse first 2 songs of field show over and over until busses get there
9. Pep talk and review of the week and our behavior
10. Leave on bus at like, 10:15
11. Stop at Taco Bell and Burger King @ 11:00 in Johnson City to eat lunch.
12. Run around Taco Bell being stupid until 11:45
13. Load bus at 11:45 to go back home
14. Arrive at school around 12:30
15. Neko's mom picks us up @ 1:00
16. Come home around 3:30

So yeahhhhhhhh..
What a schedule, huh? XD
It was PACKED. @_@

I met a lot of new people.
And found out that a few freshman like anime..
And one even likes J-Rock.
Her name's Hillary.
She's awesome.
And she likes An Cafe.

So yeah.
Lots of fun memories at band camp..
I could go on and on, but I bet none of you would really care..
Sooooo....

That's it for now.

I think I've wrote enough.

Sayonara, minna!

[x] Aru [x]